Uwe Boll’s career is… unparalleled. When discussing video game adaptations, Boll’s name is inescapable, yet his body of work is abundant solely in quantity. He has helmed an astonishing 10 films based on game properties, including Sega’s House of the Dead and others, and they all fall into various degrees of abysmal. How did he keep churning out Razzie-nominated duds? meant he could self-fund and recoup substantial costs, enabling “Raging Boll” to survive despite dreadful reviews and box office outcomes.
Among his works, BloodRayne, which hit the U.S. 20 years ago, best embodies his legacy. It’s not his worst release that year — give a nod to Alone in the Dark — but it’s not much better. Boll’s take on Majesco Entertainment and Terminal Reality’s vampire franchise is a stilted 18th-century vampire flick that halfheartedly introduces moviegoers to Rayne, a vengeful half-human, half-vampire, otherwise known as a dhampir. Critics loathed it (it has a stomach-churning 4% on Rotten Tomatoes), and it grossed a disastrous $3.7 million against a $25 million budget. You’d think that would end any franchise aspirations. Instead, BloodRayne might be the worst horror movie to ever spawn a trilogy.
Boll’s would-be fan film is incredibly awful, surprising everyone who thought it couldn’t get worse than House of the Dead. Model-turned-actress Kristanna Loken (T-X in Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines) stars as the vampire-slaying Rayne, exuding blank-faced hero energy with an unfortunate lack of fluidity in her performance. She’s on a quest to slay Kagan, the King of Vampires (portrayed by the listless Ben Kingsley), her undead rapist father. Along the way, she comes across the Brimstone Society, where she trains under Vlad (Michael Madsen) and finds camaraderie with a group of mercenaries. Together, they must defeat Kagan and liberate Romania from his rule, yadda yadda; it’s nowhere near as dynamic or creature-filled as the games.
Boll’s adaptations notoriously deviate from their source material — in the games, Rayne is born in 1915 and hunts everything from vampires to demons to apex predators. But Boll fancies himself wiser, opting for his fantasy version over any fan service. That’s not to say adaptations should kowtow to existing fanbases, but Boll so often mangles the style and tone of his source material that you’re left questioning who they’re aimed at. The BloodRayne games are gothic hack-and-slash adventures with a dominatrix-looking dhampir dishing out gore-heavy action, while Boll’s first BloodRayne film is like sluggish fan fiction with crude period charm.
Worst of all, BloodRayne doesn’t even have that so-bad-it’s-good allure. Actors mumble through their old-fashioned lines as if sedated, even during the most awkward and passionless sex scene ever to taint the screen. The prop weapons look absurd, with Loken and action villain Michelle Rodriguez seemingly swordfighting with oversized butter knives. Where does the budget actually show? It’s certainly not evident in production value, as Billy Zane’s wig looks like an intern found the ill-fitting mop in a Spirit Halloween dumpster on November 1. And yet, against all odds, Boll wasn’t finished with BloodRayne.
In 2007, a direct-to-video sequel titled BloodRayne: Deliverance took Rayne to Montana’s Wild West. Natassia Malthe would replace Loken as the dhampir, but she couldn’t propel the budding franchise forward. For absurd reasons, Rayne finds herself in America hunting a vampiric Billy the Kid (played by frequent Boll collaborator Zach Ward). It has the potential to be a wacky midnight movie you could laugh at with friends, but Boll once again failed to stumble into an engaging genre experience. The film has only four reviews on Rotten Tomatoes, all of which are scathing. What should have been a campy B-movie instead attempts to be a serious horror Western, which is a bewilderingly bad time. But wait, there’s more!
In 2011, Boll released BloodRayne: The Third Reich. Set in 1943 Europe, “Agent Rayne” battles Nazis with the French resistance, in a premise that at least vaguely resembled Rayne’s video game adventures. Unfortunately, it’s somehow the worst film in the series. Malthe returns to flounder through the silliest action-horror tropes, while actor Michael Paré achieves a trifecta no one should take pride in, appearing in every BloodRayne as a different character. The additions of Brendan Fletcher and Clint Howard aren’t a savior, since Boll can’t piece together a coherent or thrilling combat sequence. It’s a painful experience that seems to have been made for a few pennies and some gum.
And now we arrive at the strangest part of the BloodRayne saga: Blubberella.
The same year Boll tormented the world with BloodRayne: The Third Reich, he released an unexpected companion film. Blubberella is a scene-by-scene remake of The Third Reich with the same cast, except for — guess what — an obese vampire-human hybrid instead of Rayne. The fatphobic exploitation comedy is the lowest form of filmmaking you can imagine. Lead actress Lindsay Hollister, who later about Boll’s behavior, did her utmost to elevate the film, stating, “I really wanted to make a movie about a fat girl who could kick ass.” But despite her best efforts, Boll (who also plays a sympathetic Hitler) was never going to let his idiotic satire of the MCU be anything more than the cheapest punchline imaginable.
Even by Uwe Boll’s standards, the journey from BloodRayne to Blubberella is a bizarre one. The director was essentially squandering money on his productions, but they were made in the years before video game developers recognized how valuable their own properties could be. There’s a get-it-down aspect to his career that’s weirdly respectable, but his maverick approach to cinema (and advantageous German tax benefits) could have given us so much better.